How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
