So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
