Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
