New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
