My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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