Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
