Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
