just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We have started to decorate penises.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
