I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My balls are so social today.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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