I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
