last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
