The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
