forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
