I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
