i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So many bounce houses so little time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
