New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
