I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
