Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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