well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
