Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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