I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
