I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
