she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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