you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
