You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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