DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your penis caused this!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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