when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
