My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
