Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
