Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
