it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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