I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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