i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize