i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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