see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
