I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
