i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
