I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
