So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
