Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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