so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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