He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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