i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
