i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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