so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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