Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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