my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
