He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
