the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
