Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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