Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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