I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
