why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
