Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
