I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
