He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
