I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
