Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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