I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
