Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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