I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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