I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize