whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
