let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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