There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize