you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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