There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize